Wednesday * March 29th 2017

Dear Cali…

calisunset

Everything hurts…

Sometimes, my dear girl everything seems to hurt.  There’s an ache in my heart and sometimes I have to stop and catch my breath.  All I can think about is that now you’re gone, and if there hasn’t been a “group burial” yet you’re in a freezer waiting.  I’m so sorry as I never wanted it all to end that way.

However, if I’m honest you were beginning to suffer.  I swore that I would never allow you to be in extreme discomfort and/or pain.  I couldn’t/wouldn’t let you waste away as a shadow of your former happy-go-lucky self.  I keep thinking if we hadn’t gone to Mexico and I stayed a home with you, you’d still be with me.  However, in my heart I know we were just “buying time.”

I’m so angry…

I’m angry at you that you left me, and I’m angry at myself that I couldn’t help you.  Believe me, if the good days had outweighed the bad you’d still be by my side.

Tonight here at the RV park I gave the rest of your RX food to “Howard” – an 18 year old dog who’s also struggling in his last days.  Your little “Pendleton” coat, brushes and combs, and dog dishes also went to this geriatric canine.   I told the couple from British Columbia that it was a gift from you.  I think it was the right thing to do.

Faith?

I have none.  I’d give anything to have you at home with me – following me from room-to-room.  I try to keep up a somewhat normal routine, but there’s no longer any joy in my life since you left.  I’m so very sorry I couldn’t save you…

Share the Love!

5 Comments »Journal

Older Entries »

  • desert diva & cali

     photo ddandc_zps31df39b9.jpg One woman's journey on the "road of life..."
  • how i roll

    How I Roll...
    RV License Plate
  • Lazy Daze Bloggers

  • i choose

     photo ichoose_zps721d01ad.jpg

  • live traffic feed

  • flickr photos

    www.flickr.com
    desertdiva's items Go to desertdiva's photostream