Desert Diva

It’s a given in life that one is not going get through without scars. Each of us have our own scars – emotional and physical. Up until now, I’ve kept mine well hidden – some in a veil of secrecy and shame.

Yesterday, I was in a panic to make a decision regarding my wrist. However, without jeopardizing my health I already knew the decision I would make. I didn’t even have to do the “Benjamin Franklin” exercise.

When Benjamin Franklin’s nephew Joseph Priestley found himself stumped by a complex life decision, he wrote his sage uncle for advice. In his 1772 letter of reply, Franklin described his own method for reasoning out complex problems, which he called “moral algebra.” Divide a sheet of paper in half, he counseled his nephew, and make an exhaustive list of pros and cons. Then, over a couple days, weigh the pros and cons, and when a pro and a con seem of equal weight, strike them both out. What is left in the balance is the best answer.

Each of us have activities that “feed our souls,” and “refresh our spirits.” My “activity” is traveling and taking photographs. Therefore, I’m leaving next week to travel – first to see my friend “Doc” (Iris) in California and then on to Oregon. I don’t feel I can face another surgery and/or another year working with SPED kids unless I do something to “nourish” myself.

I actually went back to the orthopedic surgeon’s office yesterday and caught him coming down the hall in his scrubs. He sat and talked with me for 30-45 minutes (this was after my morning appointment). “We” agreed that one month won’t make a significant difference, but it should be done two weeks before school starts so that I can start on time. We even discussed “not” doing the surgery, but the present angle of my wrist in unacceptable to me and I want to recover complete function. At this point we’re not discussing repairing a break – it’s more of an issue of reconstruction. Surgery can wait for a month or so – just not for a year.

My wrist is presently bending at about a 60 degree angle, and wearing a compression glove has significantly reduced the swelling and morning stiffness. I can support my digital SLR. If I go ahead and have surgery, I have to wait 7-10 days for the stitches to be removed, and have a brace molded for temporary support. Afterwards, I would still be more or less dependent upon my left arm to drive, etc… My “vacation” would be a wash…

Recently, I’ve been – well, “depressed.” My days have centered around visits to the O.T. and many sleepless nights supplemented by Xanax. The “thought” of traveling doesn’t make me excited or happy with anticipation. However, if I can hike in a green forest or walk with Cali along the ocean I think it will be invigorating and recharging.

I need to move past my “pity party” and do something positive for myself. So, I don’t need to do the “Benjamin Franklin” list. It won’t do much good to have my wrist repaired immediately if my psyche isn’t intact…

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