Desert Diva

OK, I’ll admit it – about a hundred years ago I loved watching The Mary Tyler Moore Show.  Now for the big secret – I wanted to BE Mary Tyler Moore.  Yeah, yeah, yeah – very cheesy and not cool.  However, growing up to be a baby boomer and the combination of television were seducing.  I loved the show opening – the song and the way she turns with her coat on after the ducks turn in the water.  However, I digress…

These days I’ve been looking for inspiration – visable proof that the world isn’t a cruel and horrible place and there are souls out there that are “good.”  Not to generalize, but I’ve lost faith recently – especially in men.  Something tells me there are “good ones” out there, but I haven’t seen any lately.  Please don’t send me messages that say “Hey, there ARE good ones out there.”  I’ll believe it when I see it and I don’t think it’s wise to hold my breath.

Was I supposed to write about “inspiration?”

Ah yes, someone has inspired me lately.  I don’t think he’s aware, he’s just being honest and writing about his experiences and feelings.  He’s funny, talented, and more importantly he can share his feelings.  Michael, of “Privacy of the Mind” can “tell it like it is.”  The “gift” in that is that at least one person doesn’t feel so alone and isolated in their feelings.  I imagine there are many.  So go “check out” Michael, and while you’re there go look at some of his amazing photography.

So, I leave you on this “Only the Good Friday” with wishes of “finding your own bliss,” and the following quote:

“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open.” ~ Muriel Rukeseyer

It seems for quite sometime now, I’ve been intrigued by one of the earlier episodes of the L-Word – the one where Jenny and Karina are discussing Amy Bloom and one of her short stories from a collection entitled “Come to Me.”  I’ve always wanted to read that book of short stories – especially “Silver Water.”

I didn’t read the collection of short stories, but stumbled upon her first novel at a tag sale in Portland.  “Love Invents Us” is one of the most disturbing and moving novels I’ve ever read.  I “devoured” it in one sitting (sans wine) and felt melancholy  for each of the characters after reading it.  It’s a novel of love and loss, as the main characters move through the transitions of their lives.

It’s odd that I didn’t do as much summer reading as I usually do – I love sipping on wine with a wonderful novel.  However, summer isn’t quite over yet…

“The mystery of love defies logic.”  The heart has reasons that reason does not know.”

I always like to think of myself as a logical person – albeit somewhat “emotional.”  Relationships are a two-way street, it takes two to tango – yada, yada, yada…

Logic makes me what to understand, but in reality I know that there is no real “understanding.”  I’ve struggled back and forth with trying to look at things both ways, and be fair.  I thought I’d write a long e-mail message to JR about the “whys and wherefors.”  However, if JB didn’t listen to me (or care about my feelings) in the first place what makes me think that he would respond to the written word?

In all fairness, I think JB is seriously hurting and attempting to fill his life with activity (and womanizing).  There’s a void in his life from his deceased wife who apparently put up with his “stuff.”  He’ll probably never find another person to do that unless she is a “doormat” or and idiot.  JB has “issues” (don’t we all), and will never be able to relate on a significant basis unless he addresses and moves through his grief and pain.

However, I can’t “heal” JB – he has to see the need and do the work.  I hope that someday he realizes that.

So, I think that I’m finished with this “rant” (aren’t you glad?) and am moving toward my future in light and love…

What’s a girl to do after finding out that a potential relationship isn’t worth the effort?  Well, pick your own damn flowers and have a glass of vino with your pup at your feet.  Note:  I “usually” don’t drink wine from such unusual glasses, but traveling + wine glasses don’t seem to mix.

Strangely enough, a fellow WIN (who I met at the dance rally) and I are discussing planning on going to Portland a day or two early to dance on Friday and Saturday evening.  Yay!  Sunday, I’m seeing Ottmar Liebert again at the Aladdin Theatre so it should be a fun weekend.

As for “JB,” I’ve actually talked it through with someone and they’ve helped me realize how toxic the relationship was and how lucky I am to be away from him.  I’m not unhappy like I was when I was with him.  F*ck people that hate dogs anyway…  Life is “good” and I’m not wasting another second worrying about an “incomplete” individual.