Monday * April 23rd 2018

All Retch and No Vomit…

There are those of us who seem to live “quiet lives of desperation.”  We do what is expected of us – earn a living, buy a home, marry and have X number of children.

I married and divorced, earned a Master of Science degree (almost an Education Specialist degree until I realized I would earn no more money with the title), and worked in the field of education for thirty years.  (OK, I had a stint with the United States Government – more specifically the Internal Revenue Service.)

I’ve had several “challenges” in my lifetime…

(that I absolutely won’t outline here) and managed to retire last July from the state of New Mexico.  I’m not going to realize a “comfortable” retirement until a year or so from now when my Social Security kicks in and the teacher retirement money from the state of Indiana.  Thank goodness I have some money saved…

I’m somewhat “quirky” since I’m extremely somewhat frugal…

I have an 1985 Toyota Dolphin that I tool around in during the summer with my best girl Cali.  I buy 95% of my clothing from thrift stores (I draw the line at underwear), but “splurge” on moderately priced bottles of wine.  (OK, I LOVE shoes…)

When I was in a “bad space” in my education career, I developed a penchant for photography.  I’m a “good amateur” if I do say so myself.  Every Christmas (for awhile) I would buy a new lens for my Canon DSLR.  The effort soothed my soul and allowed me to view the world from a different perspective.

I’ve always loved to dance…

One of my fondest memories was dancing with a partner long ago in Indianapolis.  We had such a passion that I can recall traveling on a snowy night to a dance spot.  When we arrived we were basically the only ones on the floor and danced all evening.  I’ll always remember Josh and that special night…

Fast forward to the present.  (OK, a few years back I was dancing and broke my right wrist but I’m over the physical part of that experience.)  When you dance, there’s a certain element of trust.  Sadly, after my experience I became even more jaded about the element of trust.  However, I digress…

I want to, am going to, am learning the Argentine Tango…

I’m not stupid (or clumsy) like I sometimes like to tell myself.  I’m a good follower, I “feel” the music, and I can make a “connection.”  Not to “downgrade” men/leaders, but many like to think of themselves as more advanced at the Argentine Tango than they really are.  There are many men in my community that I feel I can’t dance with for various reasons.  I can’t “feel” their lead, they don’t “wait” for the follower (me) to complete a step and/or make an embellishment, and they have no idea of what a “connection” is.  It “is” what it “is.”   I was somewhat surprised at a women (who I consider to be an above average dancer) say, “I just dance around them.”

Our lives are at best “finite.” 

Tomorrow, after much soul searching I’m paying the “big bucks” for a series of private lessons with a respected male instructor.  I’m “weary” of self-professed “experts” who are really beginners chipping away at my dancing self-esteem.   I don’t want those leaders to “lead me into” bad habits.  I want a pure learning experience.  (Yes, I did my homework and this instructor is the best in the area.)

The bottom line…

I’m worth it…

P.S.:  I know by seeing the stats that I have a lot of “reader traffic.”  Please “come out” and let me know who you are and what you think…




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8 Comments »Journal

8 Replies to Desert Diva to “All Retch and No Vomit…”

  1. You’re worth it. I’m glad you’re giving yourself permission.

    What you describe here (and previously) mirrors my experience in the “social dance” scene. I know there’s a place there for people who just want to dance because they love dancing, but there sure are a lot of jerks on the floor. And, there are gentlemen and ladies who abide by the rules of the game, and I was glad to dance with them whether they were “experts” or not.

    Those men who try to make you feel less are trying to make themselves feel more. They’re compensating for a small shoe size.
    The Good Luck Duck´s last blog post ..Big Sky Country is not just for Montana

  2. Luz says:

    Kind of off the subject but one of my co-workers is retiring Thursday and I am beyond sad as she will be dearly missed. I’ve already told my co-workers to beware of this mad bear that will emerge next week.

    So the anti-spam word is live and I was just going to type, “live up your retirement”. Yes, splurge a little (because you are worth it) and sounds like the private lessons will be so worth the $$.
    Luz´s last blog post ..Something

  3. terrie UNITED STATES says:

    the money you are spending on dance instruction will pay you back over and over again for your entire life….an extremely wise decision, in my opinion… will also enhance your brain and keep you an independent person longer….think of it as Long Term Care Insurance….maybe you are cheating an Alzheimer’s Unit out of a patient…..

  4. cozygirl says:

    Say goodbye to those routine challenges and time to put those dancing shoes on and enjoy that retirement. Sounds like music to my ears :O) An Indiana native growing up in Indianapolis…I have to say you traded up to that sweet state of New Mexico! Hope you ace a twirl or two to the sweet beat of the music!
    cozygirl´s last blog post ..#happysunday

  5. Dance on Desert Diva
    Box Canyon Mark

  6. Of course you’re worth it, and most deserving. I totally agree with the Duckies reference to “compensation”. But more importantly, you shouldn’t even be having this conversation with yourself. Your abilities and self-esteem should be off the charts. You’re an amazing, strong woman!
    Stillhowlyn in 2013´s last blog post ..Island fever…

  7. Contessa says:

    Great post! You are doing what you need to do and that is most important for your soul. Your future awaits and dancing will always be a part of it.
    Contessa´s last blog post ..I would like to be relaxed but…..

  8. Lelo UNITED STATES says:

    You are absolutely 100% worth it. Yeah you!

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