Friday * November 16th 2018

Necessary Losses…

sunsetseaofcortez

I’m in a rut crater…

Since I’ve been home (mid-April) from Mexico, I’ve been in a bit of a “funk.”  Home ownership is a wonderful thing, but homes need constant care and upkeep.  Sometimes, I get “weary” taking care of things on my own.  At the present, my spare bathroom toilet needs a new “internal thingy” to stop the constant stream of water filling the tank, and my garbage disposal decided to “give up the ghost.”

Those are only the house things…

My routine “maintenance” on my 1998 Lazy Daze RV (along with the fix for the “check engine soon” light) came to $850.00.  Then, my 2002 Honda CR-V decided to “act up” after I paid $250.00 for a “check up.”  The air conditioner fix was $1,600.00 at the “thieves” at Borman Honda.  To add, insult on top of injury, I found I needed to replace my tires.  ($425.00)

WTF?

I’m still trying to “leave Dodge,” but I find as I age I’m more and more anxious about leaving the safety and security of “home.”  It’s a mixed bag, as I had a mother who didn’t even want me to drive my car to my part-time job at the Post Office when I was in high school/college.  I got off work at 9:00 p.m., but she always had a line about “something is going to happen to you driving alone after dark.”  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t BLAME her, but her words left an indelible imprint of fear on me.  Then I struggled with a major panic disorder in my mid-thirties that “almost” left me agoraphobic.   However, in my “younger days” I conquered my fears and struck out on my own traveling.

What happened to that person with the adventurous spirit?

I think circumstances and life eventually “beats you down.”  My next door neighbor has her house up for sale and is moving to an apartment in Arizona to be near her children after losing her husband in February.  My neighbors on the other side of my house both rely on canes for their daily walk to the mailbox.  They used to get my mail for me when I was away, but they’re both now in their mid-eighties and it would be a burden to ask them to do it for me.  It took some doing, but I finally got it resolved with the Post Office to hold my mail.

I’m fighting being really depressed…

This part is written with tears.  There are two solo women RV-ers that I’ve never met.

Lynne was diagnosed with the “C-word” and didn’t get the extended treatment she should have.  Some time later the disease came back with a vengeance, and she passed away in May.  https://winnieviews.blogspot.com/

Malia is a “champion” of single women RV-ers.  She’s someone I’ve never met, but have always looked up to for her views on life and RV-ing solo.  Malia was a former smoker and now has stage 4 “C” with six months to a year.  She’s quite candid with her diagnosis and plans for her final exit.  I can barely read her updates without feeling a wave of depression and sadness.  https://maliasmiles.com/latest-news/

We all know how this story ends…

Pain…

Something “weird” has happened to the top of my right foot.  I can’t remember a specific injury (but I’m a klutz for sure), but the top of my foot was swollen and had a “spot” where when pressed was painful.  I went to an orthopedic doctor, and got two options – a cortisone shot or an MRI.  I took the shot, and my foot has minimal swelling and pain now.   I can walk without pain, but still notice “discomfort.”  I called the orthopedic doctor back, but when you’re “a certain age,” it’s difficult to get the go-ahead for an MRI (i.e. Medicare).  So, screw it.  If it acts up on the road I’ll just go to the emergency room ($65.00 co-pay) and let them figure it out.

Traveling…

Somehow my heart isn’t in it, but I know I need to get on the road and experience new people and places.  So, I’m leaving Wednesday without a “schedule” and hope that intuitively I find what is meant for me…

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12 Comments »Journal

12 Replies to Desert Diva to “Necessary Losses…”

  1. Life throws everyone Curve-Balls and what we do when we are younger affects us today. I followed Lynn’s blog as well and understand how you feel. After loosing two parents and a wife in less then five years to that dreaded “C” it took its toll.
    Mechanical STUFF is part of our modern life but by getting rid of the house we have saved ourselves plenty of stress and worry.
    The answer for you is to “Do what makes you Happy” for as long as you can. All our travel days will come to an end but we can make plenty of memories before then that we can look back on. Those memories will not only inspire ourselves but others that are going through similar times.
    Breathe deep as the oxygen will help you think clearly and fear nothing. The only regrets you should have are the things that you did not do.
    Be Safe and Enjoy!

    It’s about time.
    Richard Rousseau´s last blog post ..Back To The Century Mark, Good Workout, Dentist Appointment and Max.

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Hi Richard,

      Gee, thanks for replying. “Necessary Losses” is a book written by Judith Viorst who is well known as a children’s author. The book is how we grow and change through the losses that are a certain and necessary part of life.

      Thanks for the advice and the “kick in the pants.” It helps to know that I’m not alone in my journey though what we call “life.”

      Cheryl

  2. Deirdre CANADA says:

    Girlfriend…..

    Hope the dump got you feeling better….. you are a remarkable lady and yes, aging is not for the faint of heart, and you are no shrinking violet…. there is nothing wrong with taking a break or getting a cortisone shot…..

    Just know there are many people out there that admire and think you are awesome for all the adventure you scope out….. I love staying in and watching TV…. Otis and Honey are the loves of my life…. but sometimes I do just go and sit outside a cafe and people watch……

    I’ve been doing a ton of sailing this season so far and it’s one of my main sources of fun. I am getting back into YOGA, but really did take a break….and now am getting back on the horse.

    Thinking great thoughts of you and hoping all levels out….. lots of crazy stuff happening out there.

    Lots of love,
    Deirdre

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Dearest Deirdre,

      It’s so very good to hear from you and thank you for the love and support you sent my way – I “feel” it. Sometimes I feel so very alone, but the “amazing Luna” has crept her way into my heart.

      Love you and think of you often…
      Cheryl

  3. Dave Burdick says:

    I hope you have safe travels…it is nice and cool up here is southwest Oregon, but we head back into NorCal next week for my son’s wedding, then northeast.

    As for pains…yep, comes with age. Just told Marcia today that it seems this cool Oregon weather has my joints hurting just a bit.

    Had not heard about Malia’s problem…will remember her in our prayers (thoughts, meditation…whatever you want to call it)

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Hi Dave,

      Yes, getting older is certainly not for the “faint of heart.” I’m happy to hear that you and Marcia are having a good summer and enjoying the cooler climate of Oregon.

      Please remember Malia in your prayers as will I…

      Best wishes,
      Cheryl

  4. Donna k says:

    Hi Cheryl…have felt some similar feelings so I understand where you’re coming from! I find that I have relocation anxiety every time I change locations. I know it will happen so it doesn’t upset me so much anymore! I admire you for setting out on your own…I’m not that brave yet! Hope your days get awesome!
    Hugs, donna

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Hi Donna,

      Gee, I miss our conversations and look forward to the “little apartment” to rent in Puerto Penasco this coming autumn/winter. I hope to become more of a part of the “community.”

      The most difficult part for me is “getting on the road.” Once I’m traveling for a couple of days or so, it feels more natural. I just need to take the “plunge.”

      Take care,
      Cheryl

  5. Malia Lane says:

    Hey Cheryl,

    I relate to so much of what you’ve written. It does get tiresome with seemingly endless maintenance, nasty “surprises” and such. But that happens in life whether you travel or are fixed in place.

    Thanks for the compassion about my own nasty surprise, but please don’t let it leave you with too much sadness and depression. Get back on the road with joy and enthusiasm!

    Hugs & Love,
    Malia

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Dearest Malia,

      I’m so very sorry for not writing and supporting you. I would read your posts and then sink into depression. I think it reminded me of losing my father to the same diagnosis that you have when I was twelve. Also, there were “no words” I could imagine to offer of comfort and support.

      When you first posted about your symptoms, I thought “She’s going to be fine.” And then you weren’t…

      Please know you are such an inspiration to me to believe in myself and have confidence I could travel on my own. However, circumstance in life can “wear you down.”

      While from your messages I don’t think there are any “miracles” at this point, I hope you “defy the odds” and are around to embrace and enjoy everything your heart desires.

      My prayers and thoughts are with you.

      Light and love,
      Cheryl

  6. Hang in there…the best thing to combat the blues is to exercise…a lot. I hike, clean my home, tackle one thing at a time and it does feel you’ve accomplished something after. I don’t RV but I own a home and yes the maintenance and upkeep is never ending…but I tell myself ‘its home.’

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Hi Rita,

      Aw, thanks for taking the time to reply. I AM blessed to have a home AND an RV.

      I usually love hiking, but the “foot issue” has caused me to take a back seat. Hopefully, it will resolve soon.

      Take care,
      Cheryl

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