Monday * June 24th 2019

Doing the Right Thing…

rightthing

All of my life, I’ve struggled to do the “right thing…”

The older I become, I find that I instinctively know what the “right thing” is – at least for me.  I find that I’m able to weed out the false from true, and stand firmer in my beliefs.  However, this post isn’t about “right doing” on a global level – it has to do with care and concern for my family members.

I actually traveled from late December until last Monday.  I have to say that I met many wonderful people, and in some ways I “found my tribe.”  However, life goes on and in reality I have five brothers and a sister.  We’re not close, and I attribute that to losing my father after a five year illness when I was twelve.

Struggling…

Previously, I would “beat my head against the wall” to establish contact with my brothers and sister.  I got tired, and finally just gave up.  I talk to two of my brothers from time-to-time, but our lives rarely connect in any significant manner.  Still, they are my family and I can’t just “turn my back” on them.  I don’t communicate with my sister (the oldest) well, as she frequently likes to “try” and make me feel guilty.

Age and illness…

I’m in just enough contact to find out that my middle brother was hospitalized (and still recovering) from cellulitis in the Los Angeles area.  However, more pressing and serious was the diagnosis of my oldest brother with bladder cancer in Indianapolis. There are two siblings in the Indianapolis area to help, but no one seems to care.  I was shocked and upset to find that my brother who lives in an apartment has no bed.  Granted, he’s a poor financial planner and probably could have made it happen.  However, next Tuesday he starts chemotherapy and the thought of him being ill without a bed was incomprehensible to me.

Bed…

So, I contacted my brother and ordered the bed he wanted from IKEA and also contacted TaskRabbit to have it assembled.  I also contacted my siblings to see if anyone wanted to chip in on the cost.  Imagine the awkward chirping sound of ultimate silence.  So, I’m out approximately $700.  It’s really OK, and deep down I really didn’t expect any of the siblings to step up to the bat.

Sadness…

Still, it makes me sad that my other siblings (who are more financially affluent than me) chose not to help our brother in need.  Yes, I can afford the bed.  No, I really didn’t expect anyone to chip in.  However, I was hopeful that somehow our familial bond would cause them to do so.

The Right Thing to Do…

For me, I didn’t do anything extraordinary.  However, I just couldn’t let my brother battle cancer without a bed to rest in at night.  It was the right thing to do…

11 Comments »Journal, Pondering Life, Spirituality

11 Replies to Desert Diva to “Doing the Right Thing…”

  1. mjs says:

    You are lucky I got a phone call from a brother who just was the pits. I had just gotten out of the hospital from kidney stones..No contact for about 51 years or so..He bragged about his money and his homes and money he inherited from my mom’s only sister who died at nearly 100 and loaded no husband and children..He has not wife nor kids lots of money though he sounded nuts to me, I listened and told him to never call me again, we have nothing in common and I don’t have his last name and been married almost 45 years to a wonderful man and have an adult child who I cherish..strangers have been my tribe, I think if one can choose their friends and they are close that is your tribe..My hubs is jewish and knows his real tribe from his bar mitzvah studies..I got my tribe of my hubs and my child and the many people who treated me far better than the blood they say they are, I live close to some and never have them around they are too upsetting, cruel and nuts..for my mental health I cannot be around all of them..Enjoy the people who love you and care they are your real family! God Bless you for buying and setting up the bed for your sibling..I am a generous person and probably I would have done the same even though my siblings would never ever share with me or anyone..that is why I have nothing to do with them at all, too selfish and cruel and heartless~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Hi mjs,

      Thanks for taking the time to reply. My brother was always “fragile” and my mother somewhat protected him. He never married and while she was alive my mom somewhat “protected” him.

      Even now, I worry because I’m in New Mexico and he’s in Indiana. He’s stage 2, and the cancer is all contained in the bladder. I think he has an excellent chance for recovery. However, it’s not going to be easy.

      I’m somewhat of a realist and made sure that I had my life in place when I retired. I could do this for my brother so I did. While I feel the relationship between my siblings is flawed, they’re family and I have to honor that.

      Cheers,
      Cheryl

  2. You did the right thing by showing you have a heart that cares for family and those you love. Seeing how things turn out for your brother you can have a sense of worth and the next time they try to make you feel bad ask them when did they help anyone but themselves.
    Be Safe and Enjoy the sense of Humanity.

    It’s about time.
    Rick Rousseau´s last blog post ..Putting On Miles, Getting Turned Around and Helping Beyond The Job.

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Hi Rick,

      It’s only money and while I’m a retired teacher I could afford to help. It just makes me sad that after my father died we all basically grew apart. My brother is stage 2 and the cancer hasn’t passed beyond his bladder. I have that “helpless” feeling, and this was something I could do to help. I actually felt guilty that he didn’t say “thank you.” However, he sent me a text and said so. That’s all I need…

      Cheers,
      Cheryl

  3. George Yates says:

    Yes you did the right thing and was so nice that you were willing to help home out and able to do it. At least you will feel better about it. Families do grow apart over the years for various reasons.

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Hi George,

      You’re absolutely correct – families do grow apart. However, I’ve been especially lucky to find “my tribe” of good friends who love me just as I am.

      Cheers,
      Cheryl

  4. Kay UNITED STATES says:

    Let me share something really special with you… you’re not alone, you’ve done the right thing… just understand, Miss Karma goes visiting sooner or later, and eventually she will stop by your sibling’s place and pay them a long overdue visit. I can assure you, those Miss Karma visits are tough, I know, I’ve watched from miles away and the hosts will never forget Miss Karma when she comes to visit them. Keep your chin up and remember, good things come to those who wait… you just wait…

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Hi Kay,

      Thanks for replying. I’m not a hero or even a “good person.” It was the right thing to do – something that fuels my actions. I can’t change the heart(s) of my siblings, but I can change my own.

      Cheers,
      Cheryl

  5. Contessa CANADA says:

    You did the right thing and I applaud you for it. You area better person for what you have done. Your parents know what you did,

    • Desert Diva UNITED STATES says:

      Hi Contessa,

      Thanks for replying. After I saw you in Albuquerque I had to have a root canal and crown, and a repair and crown on the neighboring tooth! I also was told I’m a “grinder” and have a night guard now.

      I’m not wealthy, but I’m blessed as I have no outstanding debt. I love my brother – even though we’re not close in distance or emotion. You’re comment about my parents knowing was “spot on.” I did what I did because it was the right thing to do, but I can imagine my parents “rolling in their graves” with disgust if I didn’t.

      My brother is stage two and it’s all contained within the bladder so he has a good chance for recovery. I’m hoping that in a small way I’m helping to facilitate that recovery.

      Cheers,
      Cheryl

  6. Wow that is my saying ‘Do the right thing.’ You know yourself (and myself) what is wrong and what is the right thing to do no matter the obstacle. I’ve had family members disown me for doing the right thing and I’ll always do the right thing. My siblings and I are semi-close (we were six sisters but now down to four) but some of my nieces and nephews are not that close. Some are downright hostile. My sister was afraid of her daughter and told me so several times. Her daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She’s nuts but I take that in stride and when she goes off, I resort to being kind but also tell her like it is without being hostile or angry. It seems to work. It does wear on your physical and emotional well being but you have to tell yourself…it was the right thing to do and go on with your life.