I’ve had somewhat of a meltdown lately.  Specifically, I can’t find a lot to celebrate in my life.  On the advent of my fifty-eighth birthday, I feel depressed, discouraged, and – well, old.

However, lurking at Shelly’s blog I found some “inspiration.”  Shelly’s a proverbial optimist, as well as a lover of bacon grease.  (Actually, I just found out that grilling scallops with a strip of bacon equals a wonderful flavor!)  However, I digress…

Shelly has some blog-a-ration (decor) of Brené Brown, who for the past ten years has been studying a concept called “wholeheartedness.”  She poses the following…

How do we cultivate a life defined by authenticity, love and belonging, and a resilient spirit, and what gets in the way?

It’s a complex question and one with no immediate answer.  However, as we all know sometimes it’s the driving question that makes the impact in our lives.  While I won’t speak to what is going on in my personal life, I can say that I thank Shelly (and Brené Brown) for some enlightenment and guidance.  And yes Shelly – I’ve been lurking!

Yesterday was a busy day.  I had an appointment at 8:00 a.m. in Las Cruces, and at 10:30 a.m. another with Dr. Pirela-Cruz (my othropedic hand surgeon).  I’m fine – my wrist is healing slowly, and the pain I feel from time-to-time was explained (the site of the surgery and the bone will “smooth over” in time).  The little “knot” in my palm is something called Dupuytren’s contracture and could be a result of the trauma to my wrist. Not to worry for now as it’s very slight and my hand isn’t contracting at all.  Oh the joy…

I had lunch and did a little shopping in El Paso and arrived back home in the late afternoon.  Last night was big band ballroom dance night at the country club.  I hadn’t been dancing there since I broke my wrist a year ago in April.  However, I decided to “give it a go” (wearing my wrist brace) and was surprised at the outpouring of how I’d been missed.

At the “mixer” one of the regulars stood with the women and when the music started immediately began dancing with me.  It was – well “sweet” of him.  Jerry (who I refer to as my “eighty year old boyfriend”) walked in and immediately swept me up on the dance floor.  When I danced with Warren, (who I’m a little nervous since he’s a great dancer) I told him “I think I forgot how to dance.”  He smiled and told me that it looked like it took me fifteen seconds to remember…

So, I had fun – lots of it.  I’m just angry that I let the trauma of my wrist “rule my life” with dread and fear.  After I got home I had a call from my friend Steven who is “quite the dancer” and I think we fit well together.  He’s in Washington, but “wished” I was there to go out dancing.

Maybe I’ll dance country-western tonight and sign up for the Argentine Tango class…

Only the Good Friday is hosted by the eclectic, but multi-talented Shelly.

OK, I’ll admit it – about a hundred years ago I loved watching The Mary Tyler Moore Show.  Now for the big secret – I wanted to BE Mary Tyler Moore.  Yeah, yeah, yeah – very cheesy and not cool.  However, growing up to be a baby boomer and the combination of television were seducing.  I loved the show opening – the song and the way she turns with her coat on after the ducks turn in the water.  However, I digress…

These days I’ve been looking for inspiration – visable proof that the world isn’t a cruel and horrible place and there are souls out there that are “good.”  Not to generalize, but I’ve lost faith recently – especially in men.  Something tells me there are “good ones” out there, but I haven’t seen any lately.  Please don’t send me messages that say “Hey, there ARE good ones out there.”  I’ll believe it when I see it and I don’t think it’s wise to hold my breath.

Was I supposed to write about “inspiration?”

Ah yes, someone has inspired me lately.  I don’t think he’s aware, he’s just being honest and writing about his experiences and feelings.  He’s funny, talented, and more importantly he can share his feelings.  Michael, of “Privacy of the Mind” can “tell it like it is.”  The “gift” in that is that at least one person doesn’t feel so alone and isolated in their feelings.  I imagine there are many.  So go “check out” Michael, and while you’re there go look at some of his amazing photography.

So, I leave you on this “Only the Good Friday” with wishes of “finding your own bliss,” and the following quote:

“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open.” ~ Muriel Rukeseyer